I had a nightmare a few nights ago that Christmas music was playing in my living room, and no matter how much I tried to turn it off, I couldn't.
I somehow came to the realization that the only way I could stop the creepy Christmas music was by killing the naked Cuban angel rappelling on my backyard fence.
I had been reading The Hunger Games before I went to bed. If you hadn't read it, it's about people killing each other as entertainment for rich people. It's super fun.
It got me thinking.
If I was thrown into a situation where I had to survive and kill people so they wouldn't kill me, what skill would I fall back on?
So I made a list of my best skills:
Playing the guitar.
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| Don't question why I gave myself a rockin bod and a bikini. Just go with it. |
Singing.
Figuring out what percentages are using this formula
Crying.
Drawing a stegosaurus.
Making people laugh.
Arguing.
I decided this would be my best negotiation tool in keeping myself alive. Those people may want to stab me with a spear but I think I could probably talk them out of it. Explain why they're wrong in wanting that, what led me to knowing they're wrong and I'm right, and why they should probably team up with me and tell their Grandkids about me.
They need to make teleBision cop show with your character. Oh, the hostage negotiations where you wrap your legs around the bad guys. "oh, I'll get your helicopter and a million dollars in non-sequential twenties, but I needa hug foist (bats eyelashes)".
ReplyDeletehahahahahaha! What's a teleBision?
ReplyDeleteHahahaha!! Love it!! I especially liked the skimpy bikini and heels that matched!! Maybe that would be enough for him not to want to kill you! Never know!
ReplyDeleteI really like when you remind the bad guy that he will get his knife stuck in you. And I like how you drew your hug.
ReplyDeleteMary, you are so funny!
Hahahahah This was hilarious. I love the last picture and how you are "hugging" your attacker. LOVE it.
ReplyDeleteI always spell teleBision that way just for the heck of it. The Russian language has several letters in common with our alphabet, but pronounced completely differently. "B" is one of them and has a "v" sound. And no, I'm not Russian.
ReplyDeleteI lol'd heartily at "is over of equals percent (or n) over 100."
ReplyDelete