“If you care about what others think of you, then you will always be their slave.”

Mat is occasionally out of town for work, and stays at the same hotel. They know him by name, they know what room he likes, and they know he'll probably be a jerk if they forget to leave him a bag of cheez its in his room since he is a "preferred guest".

The kids and I will occasionally make the 1.5 hour drive to stay the night with him in his hotel. We always get adjoining rooms because kids can be obnoxious and kill the sexy time mood.

One day, I got there earlier than I intended and Mat wasn't off work yet. He had called to make sure they knew it was okay to give me a key to the rooms so we could go unload our stuff and wait for him to join us. When I checked in, Kathy immediately recognized me as Mat's wife and gave my kids cookies and told us how cute we all were. I liked Kathy.

She pulled up our room on her computer..

Kathy: Oh, hmmmm...looks like he has two rooms. Do you know which one he is staying in and which one he wants you to stay in?

Mary: You can just give me a key to both.

Kathy: Okay. Well....Okay. I guess that will work. I just don't know which one he is in.

Mary: (Feeling uncomfortable and having the urge to show her happy honeymoon pictures on my phone)

She handed me the keys.


As we check into the rooms and I opened the adjoining door, something was gnawing at me. I laid down on the bed and tried to figure out what it is.

All I could think about was Kathy. And what she thought.


When Mat did get there, he laughingly told me that on the way in the two people at the front desk immediately started apologizing for giving me keys to both rooms but they didn't know which one was his. He thought it was hilarious that they thought we stayed in different rooms like a couple of unhappy virgins.


I laughed it off, too.

"Oh yeah. Hahaha. They think we don't love each other, SO FUNNY. Because, you know, we obviously do. I mean. Look at us. SO HAPPY."





He gave me a weird look and shuffled our kids out the door to dinner. I put on some lipgloss and checked my happy smile in the mirror.




I'll be damned if I let someone think I'm in a loveless marriage.




Mary: Hey, Mat, let's take this way.

Mat: Why? Our car is over here by this exit.

Mary: Shhhh. Come here. Hurry. Let's walk close to the front desk.

(walk, walk, walk, loudly)

Mary: Hold my hand. HOLD MY HAND. Smile.

Mat: OKAY! Jesus.

Mary: BYE KATHY! BYE RONALD!


We ate dinner and had a great time but all I was thinking about was how I could further drive my point home to Kathy, the lady who OBVIOUSLY thought I wasn't good enough to be loved WHOLLY AND COMPLETELY by her favorite customer.




Mat: Do you want to stop and get frozen yogurt, baby?

Mary: Why does she think we don't sleep in the same bed? Does she think I just bring the kids to see you? WHAT IS GOING ON IN HER HEAD?

Mat: I know! Oh well.



There was no oh well about it to me.

I continued to make my point known.


1. I exaggeratedly stuck out my 12 week pregnant belly and rubbed it, looking forlorn, while I waited for Mat to get off work. When she asked if I needed a bottled water,  I said,  "Well, maybe IIIIII don't. But this baby of Mat's SURE is thirsty"

2. One time when we walked through the lobby, I made Ellis hold both of our hands...to show we were a united family.

3. I always make Mat walk through the front door when we are there together, so the front desk can see how stupidly happy and in love we are. (PUT YOUR HAND ON MY NECK)

4. This was getting exhausting.



Getting my prove on had continued for at least 3 weeks. It was getting harder to come up with creative ways to prove that we had sex on a semi-regular basis.

I mentioned it to Mat this past weekend, and he said passingly "Oh yeah, I told them, Mary. A long time ago. They asked which room I would like, and I said 'It doesn't matter, we just open the door between the two and the kids sleep in the other room'".

I wanted to kiss and hug him at the moment.

Especially if Kathy was watching.

Friday night foodporn party in the sticks!

This isn't inappropriate, but was way too fun for just a Facebook post. 

Mat had been talking about this restaurant in the middle of nowhere, called "Meers Restaurant", in Meers, Oklahoma. 

I looked up their website, because I take Friday night dinner very seriously and didn't want to waste a meal. I saw this picture and thought it was just a marketing thing. "We're just as good as some old dilapidated place like this!" Kind of thing. 

 I drove an hour and a half to get to Mat in Lawton, then we drove another 30-40 minutes into the Wichita Mountains. 

I asked Mat, "I don't understand. There isn't a town anywhere, how can there be a restaurant?" 

And literally, this place popped up out of nowhere. 

The picture on their website wasn't a marketing ploy, it was real. I got attacked by a nest of grashoppers to get this shot. It looks like someone built a shack in 1907, then said "shit, we need more tables", so they added on another couple of shacks on different falling apart levels, with whatever scraps they would find. And I think that's exactly what happened.

Buy longhorns for your kids! Only $200!

Here is what it looked on the inside: 

Ellis and I with our grubbing faces on. 

What was amazing about this place.....is the amount of cars and people! There is literally nothing in sight, then all of a sudden,  cars are lining the roads on both sides. You dodge feral cats as you try to find somewhere to park where you won't get attacked by a mountain lion. Dog kennels line the outside pavillion, where they ask you to leave your pets instead of leaving them in the car. 

Signs everywhere that say "CASH ONLY, AND NO SPLIT CHECKS"

Meers, Oklahoma literally doesn't have a population. The only standing structure within the town limits is this restaurant. Anywhere nearby just has a Lawton address. So they are pulling in people from hours and hours away to eat their delicious slaughtered longhorns! (BOOMER SOONER?)

As we're taking our seat, I can't help but notice the plethora of obese people. This just reiterates that the food we are about to eat is going to be damn good. 

A sign in the "waiting area" (a falling apart ramp with a chain to keep you waiting your turn)

Do you know why he is standing with that longhorn thing?

Because that is what is famous about this place! This is the only burger place in the US that gets its beef from its own herd. They roam around the land around the restaurant, with their giant ball sacks hanging out for all to see! It's incredible. 

I had eaten literally nothing but some edamame and a stick from the backyard, just to get ready for this love affair with FOOD!

Our drinks came first. They were served in mason jars. And not to be hipster....they actually meant it. I got an iced tea and Mat got an RC cola because that's what they serve. It's the only company that would give them service 100 years ago, so they're being loyal and stickin to em. It's admirable. No free refills. Who could drink more than one mason jar full of RC cola anyways?

I wish I had a fun story to tell you about us getting schnockered on Meers beer, but alas...I am knocked up and my husband is sympathetic. 

I  took a picture of this sign for my good friend, Jill Klopp, who loves Fried Pickles more than anything on this earth. She used to drive 45 minutes away to get them! And now, she lives in LA where fried pickles probably aren't even a twinkle in their daddy's eye. I have to bring her back someday!

Our first dish was Texas toothpicks. They were fried onion strips and fried jalapeno strips, drenched in cheese. Delicious and fresh. 

Dum Dum DUMMMMMMMMMMMMMM I got Beer Cheese soup! Anyone that worked with me at Applewoods, we would get so annoyed when people called our Cheese soup, 'Beer cheese soup" Now we know why! They invented this delicious masterpiece and they perfected it. CHEESE SOUP. How could you be so hot, simple, and delicious? 

I have a feeling at this point in my blog, my hot friends are counting calories. Just go with it, because it's about to get better. There are LONGHORN burgers. They only have 3 grams of fat per 4 ounces and they taste like Jesus's unicorns. Less than half  the calories of ground beef and even more delicious. Literally, they take this guy out of the field, chop off his balls, (I Hope....those things are so distracting), take out his eyeballs and stuff and then stick his ass in a grinder and give it to me on a fresh made bun. 

Here is husband with one T's burger: 

And my baby burger

It was, quite awesomely, the best burger I have ever had. They do nothing to the meat, they don't even salt it. They say that's the way their cowboys like it.  Mat got grossed out by the bathrooms, I tripped on some mangled wood, and our waitress was out way too frequently for smoke breaks, but it was one of my favorite Oklahoma experiences thus far. I would recommend anyone go. The cows, buffaloes, and feral cats are pretty much a zoo for the kids. Dad gets beer and a 1 pound burger. Mama can take cute pictures and buy a new Meers shirt to wear while she writes her blog! 

I was way too excited about this shirt.

My attractive dates! See the mangled mess of restaurant behind Mat? It's SO FUN. 

Just some longhorns wondering where their dad is....He's in my intenstine, sorry boutcha! 

 Long story made even longer: Go to Meers,  Oklahoma. You won't have any cell phone reception, you probably won't be treated like anything special...but you will experience some deliciousness and unintended charm all up in that mouth of yours.



Til Tomorrow!


Mary