Big Hipped Mary-Haters

Most weekends of mine consist of Dateline and pancakes.

But my favorite Matthew (brother) (with two t's) was in town from Ecuador and I was gonna take him to drink some booze and meet some hotties with bodies.

Husband with one T's younger brother, Spencer, came out with us, too. He's gay. Yay! And super fun. He said, as we were leaving, "I'm the only gay one, right? I don't want to have to fight for all the gay attention."

Spencer and I are driving to pick up my brother from my parent's house. My parents live in a family-oriented neighborhood with the word "Farms" in it, even though there are no farms nearby to speak of. A long stretch of the neighborhood road is upon me, and I am happily driving along and thinking about how fun I am. I notice an ugly and probably sexually inactive mother of three, walking with her children. She turns suddenly and shouts something at my car and raises her arm in the air like Harry from Harry and the Hendersons.

I immediately have become concerned that perhaps her hips had exploded. Maybe her kids had an "I'm ugly" stroke or something and she needs to use my cell phone. I stop beside her and roll down the passender side window, leaning over the console to have a sweet conversation.

I wasn't even speeding.

Story tomorrow about a big-hipped Mary-Lover from the same night!