Kendalgellan

Happy Birthday on Thursday to my best friend in the metropolis..... Kendal!

We've been best friends for 16 years, even though we went through stages of differences that were so vast that we should have hated each other.

In 7th grade, Jill told Kendal I had a crush on her boyfriend Tyler, to which Kendal replied, "Who? The girl with the bowl cut and stretch pants?" Then they grabbed Tyler and laughed at me all the way down the hall. Middle school was so cute.

7th grade buttcrack part Kendal Top left. Awkward posed 7th grade mary Middle front.

Later, Kendal realized we had Home Ec together and figured out her boyfriend should probably leave her for me because I knew how to iron on bubble letters and make homemade noodles. We were both in love with a boy in our class named Dorsey. We would always sit too far away from our sewing machines so when we walked by he would have to squeeze up against up. I had a serious unfortunate fantasy about making cookies with this 12 year old and both of us ending up rolling around in flour and sugar while laughing and giving each other massages. (I clearly got better at fantasies as I got more experienced....)

When Kendal and I were in High School, we would skip school. A lot. We would pick a road and drive until it ended. We would shout nervously at each other once we were about 4 miles out of town.."DO YOU THINK IT WILL STILL GO ANOTHER MILE...?!? OH MY GOSH THIS IS CRAZY!" Then we'd shove each other and sing "Let er Rip" by the Dixie Chicks as though our life depended on it.

My mother, who reads this blog, paid for my gas when I was in high school and asked me one day how I had gone through a half a tank of gas in one afternoon. I told her I left the gas cap off on accident so it had leaked out. She told me that's not..really...how...that...works..? So then I started crying and said if she wanted me to get such good gas mileage then they should have bought me a car that cost more than $550. She knew I was lying about something but wanted my hormonal melodramatic weeping all up out of her business so she let it go.

We drove to a neighboring rural town called Piedmont one day when we were on one of our skipping school excursions. We decided we would put on our backpacks, walk through their halls, wave at a few teachers, stop at a locker, and then leave. It was going to be amazing. Everyone would be looking at us like, "who the hell are those chicks?" Our plan was shattered when we realized we were at the Middle School and we wouldn't be able to blend in with our awesome racks and brown lipstick. So we instead made the trip fun by laughing and high-fiving each other because the Middle School said "PMS" on it. (for Piedmont Middle School). Menstruation ennuendos are funny!

We settled on Santa Fe High School. It was another high school in the same town as ours, and maybe we could even have someone we know witness our "prank"!

Our hearts were pounding so hard, you would think we were planning on stealing a Chinese baby, instead of walking around in a school we didn't go to with our backpacks on.

We start by their auditorium and make our way around by a snack machine, where we suddenly lose any nerve and start being incredibly interested in the starbursts and rold golds. Kendal is kicking me. We discover we probably should have timed our entry on a passing period, this was about to get bad.

Teacher: Ladies why aren't you in class?

Mary: Schlebit.

Kendal: uhh we're on our way

Teacher: Do you have a pass?

Kendal: No, um we-

Teacher: Kendal?

Mary: How do you know-

Teacher: Mary?

Mary and Kendal:.......................................................................

It was one of our best friend's moms. She was a teacher at the school.

Mary: Yeah, I had a rehearshal and had to pick up some snacks.

Mrs. Buntyn: So....your rehearshal was here or you're here to pick up snacks....? Why is Kendal with you and why do you have backpacks on?

Mary: haha! Yep! Tell Kinsey we said hi!

Kendal and I rush off, she's kicking me and muttering cuss words under her breath, straightening out her Grateful Dead t-shirt and trying to make our running not so obvious.

We make it around the corner where we stop and both bust out laughing. I'm trying not to pee or cry and we're panicking wondering if she'll call our school, the police, or our moms.

Kendal: Oh my gosh. What the f-

Man: Mary?

We turn around slowly....and there is my older Sister's husband....working on the school's security system.

Mary: Oh...hey!...Brian....hey!

Kendal: Hi Brian. Don't tell on us.

Mary: We just came by here to study.

Brian: ...........

Mary: We have study sessions..here...and then we sing.

Kendal: Mary. really.

Mary: DON'T TELL MY MOM.

Brian: I wouldn't even know what to tell your Mom. You're skipping school to go to school? What the hell? You're the worst school skipping rebel I've ever seen. Go get in a fight or steal something and then I'll tell your mom. Geez. Go back to school. Your school.

We rush back to school only to realize that we can't have anymore unexcused absences. I write a note from my sister and forge her signature so I won't get busted and Kendal does the same. After school that day I immediately got a page (yes, page. Don't hate on 1998) that said my home phone number and 911.

Apparently I had written the note in first person. "I missed school today because I had to babysit for my Sister because she was sick and couldn't take care of her baby" then signed my sisters name. Mama Bear was not happy with me. Mama Bear still makes fun of me to this day about it.

Anyways, I got off on talking about myself instead of the Birthday girl. Like always.

Kendal and I got stuck on a gravel road in my 1985 Camry....somewhere in Choctaw, and almost got hit by passing by terrorist farmers. It was more terrifying than the time Kendal told a man with thigh-length hair on a Harley that I wanted some of that and he said something about "take you to a field"......

..... It was the last time we were delinquent school-skipping explorers.

 Awesome, Kendal.

Happppppppy Birthday!  mrah. Thanks for always letting me eat your Andes mint at Olive Garden since you think it tastes like brushing your teeth while eating a cookie.