Guest post from my favorite Mother!

The following is a guest post from my amazing Mother, whom after successful training, will no longer use any acronym for laughing out loud. Enjoy!




The 1968 Tragedy






SNOW QUEEN CONTESTANT!! IMPOSSIBLE!!



It couldn’t be me - but there was my name on the blackboard. When I left the classroom a few minutes earlier, there had been two names on the blackboard. My teacher explained that after the two nominees left the room, the rest of the class would vote on who they wanted as their Snow Queen Representative.



Each of the nine 8th grade classes would pick one girl from their class to compete for the title of Snow Queen during the Winter Carnival our school had every December.



I stood out in the hallway with Erica Owens - tall, very pretty (I thought) who always dressed like I wished I could dress, except if I did, I wouldn’t look like she did. I looked at Erica and thought, “Here’s our next Snow Queen”. I was certain of the outcome - so it was quite a shock to see my name on the blackboard. Erica appeared shocked as well.



Sometimes life was a little hard on me and my family - we would move every 3 years or so because my Dad was in the Canadian Air Force. We had just moved to Ottawa and I had just started the 8th grade and didn’t know very many kids. Someone told me, under their breath, “You got the votes from people that Erica has snubbed”.



Regardless of the reason, I had won the honor of representing my 8th grade class for the competition. HONOR!! HA!! I was terrified. I could feel butterflies in my stomach and sweat gathering on my palms. The information sheet my teacher gave me confirmed my worst fear:



The Snow Queen Competition consists of two parts:

1. Interview - to be conducted by judges who will grade

participants on poise and creativity of answers. Date Nov.

28th, 2 p.m., Room 131B

2. Talent - judged on originality, ability and creativity.

Approx. length 5-8 minutes. Dec 4th, 12:30 p.m. in

the Cafeteria.







TALENT--!! I had no talent and now I had only six days to find a talent. They also planned the Talent competition during the lunch period so all the other students could come and watch and cheer. Wasn’t that just Fandamntastic!!!

Not only did I not have a talent - I was going to advertise that fact in front of the whole school. This was the worst day of my life!





At home, my Mom was no help. Here’s how the conversation went:



Mom: Oh, Wendy I am so proud of you! Aren’t you so excited! (Mothers never seem to have a grasp of the real situation).



Wendy: MOM - I have NO TALENT! Why didn’t you get me a talent - put me in tap or ballet or piano or SOMETHING!!



Mom: With four kids, if we gave one child lessons, we’d have to give everyone lessons and we couldn’t afford it. Don’t worry you will think of something. She paused, “What about gymnastics!!”



Now my idea of a gymnast was someone who could do back handsprings into flying camels or something like that? My gymnastic ability consisted of somersaults - some forward, some backward and a cartwheel or two. I excelled at tether ball and badminton but neither of those would work in this situation. Gymnastics was about it - I had no other choice. I started working on my routine.



My interview the following day was awful. My question and answer went something like this;



Judges: You have just discovered that you do not have enough money to pay for all your groceries that have already been bagged and ready to go. What do you do?



Wendy: (with three pairs of judge’s eyes riveted on my face to gauge my reaction and await my creative and innovative reply. I didn’t have one.



Wendy: -----huh----hmmm- (now turning bright red because I blushed easily) ---

Huh, I guess I would tell the grocer I needed to put some things back.



I could tell by the judges’ blank stares that I didn’t have a chance in the interview portion of the competition, and it was confirmed when the contestant following me gave a witty answer that had all three judges laughing.



Well, on to the talent competition….



I slept poorly the next five nights, practicing my gymnastics routine in my head over and over again. I had decided to call it a tumbling routine which was a more honest description of my up coming performance. I auditioned the routine for my family, who gave it rave reviews and vowed no one could beat me!!! WHAT SUPPORT!! WHAT FOOLS!!!



The morning of the talent competition I awoke with an upset stomach and wished desperately to close my eyes and wake up the next morning with this ordeal behind me.









At lunch all nine contestants were seated in a semi-circle facing the stage in the cafeteria. I was third from one end and seventh from the other end. I prayed that the judges would start from the other end and luckily for me they did. I had a reprieve - a short one - but a reprieve none the less!



I watched Sally Hayes play Beethoven like a concert pianist. I sunk down a bit in my chair. Laura King sang “On the Good Ship Lollipop” looking remarkably like Shirley Temple. Debbie Jones was next. She had bleached blonde hair (what kind of mother lets an eighth grade child dye her hair - especially in 1968) and a figure I hoped to have by the time I was married. She wore a brightly colored short skirted outfit, white boots and a hat with a tassel and twirled a baton like a professional. I had never considered that I would need a costume - so I would be further humiliated by the fact that I was wearing my baggy blue gym shorts and a white t-shirt.



I slowly watched the time tick by knowing that I was about to make a fool of myself and nothing short of a miracle could save me.



The miracle happened in the form of the end-of-lunch bell which sounded just before my turn. The judges decided to have the last three contestants do their acts right after school. The student audience was invited to return also to watch us. I breathed a sigh of relief - NO student would say after school voluntarily.



I did my routine for the three judges and the other two contestants. It was a passable performance and I was SO glad to have it over.



A fitting end to this story would be to say that I rose above my humble performances and won the title of Snow Queen 1968. I didn’t, but I learned a valuable lesson that day - I would make darn sure that all of my children would have a talent, even if it was only juggling!



By the way, Debbie Jones won - there is a lot to be said for bleached blonde hair.

I think my favorite part of this is the fact that my Grandma and Grandpa convinced my mom that she couldn't be beat, because her somersaults were so badass. It makes me remember all the times my parents would tell me I was the best and the prettiest singer in the land, and I didn't NEED a Limited Too dress or matching socks to prove it.

I'm very proud of you, Mom. Not just for mastering the tumbling talent of a toddler, but for accepting the challenge and reaffirming my already concrete belief that the bleached and blonder is always better.