Donuts and Creepers

I have had so much going on the last few weeks, you may have even started thinking I was a responsible adult. You would, as always, be wrong and still unable to please your spouse.

We went to San Antonio for a family vacation. My daughter has a doctor there we have to see periodically as a follow up to skull surgery she had when she was 5 months old.





Cute lil football head!



 Yes, my baby's head used to look like a football.




But all those Mary-haters who are starting to come around and feel sorry for me, check out this little hottie now!

Dear Mary, don't refer to your toddler as a "hottie".

She was fine. We had to stay for a few days for different appointments and swimming in public pools with Mexicans, so we rented the same house we always do. It's 4.7 times nicer than our home at home, so we look forward to it exponentially.



However, upon arriving to the beautiful house, we immediately needed a break from the 8 hour drive with our well-behaved yet frequently obnoxious offspring. We plopped them down in front of the TV and turned it on to find there was 5 channels, and 2 of them were in spanish. We had ABC, NBC, WGN, Pantilones, and Dieciocho.

This is when shit got real.


Adrian will turn into a manic depressive tiger eating philosopher without the Disney Channel. At home, we have 5 different Disney Channels.



Mat calls the owner of the house and she says they cancelled the cable because it got too expensive. Mat offers to pay for the month if they will just add the Disney Channel. She said they would be out on Tuesday. It's Sunday. Let's go get an economy size bucket of cheese balls.





Mary: All right, goodnight. You can watch TV for 30 minutes before you go to sleep.


Adrian: Do I have to watch "El gato de mi tia es en la playa" again?


Mary: It's either that or The Bachelor Pad, and I think someone is skanking it up tonight so I think we'd better stick with the latinas.


Adrian: Hey! I like stuff about like, dirt and rocks....Is there a science channel? Is that science? I don't know what anything is since all I watch is hot 18 year olds playing 12 year old characters with no parents.


Mary: Hey look! A spanish cartoon is on. Watch this!


Adrian: I guess I'll just pray for a while and go to bed.



Mary: Agreed. FYL.





It felt like we were in Lagos, Nigeria...Who knew everything would fall apart without TV? All of a sudden things like peeing and bathing became awesome and fun.

We tried to stay out of the house as much as possible. We went to the Zoo. We went to Ripley's museum. We went to the public pool that was full of long black hairs and shattered dreams.

Funny sidenote: This was a set up at Ripleys that you could take pictures with. Adrian thought it would be hilarious to sit on the dummy's lap for a picture. I ended up not showing anyone, except you. It's very unfortunately inappropriate.

Why'd you have to put your hands there, Adrian?

It was fun to get away from home and eat an asston of donuts.


Here's an amazing video of Ellis singing Bennie and the Jets on the way home. Turn the volume down or else all you can hear is my attention-whore self.

I'm working on a VERY inappropriate blog about my 10-year high school reunion. Check back in a few days!