I would let Haley Wolfe at Haley's Comic leap into pretty much any part of my body and/or life. She's hilarious and severely underappreciated. Please go check out her blog and give her some following action!
I asked her to do a post about what her life would be like with children, since that is something I frequently blog about.Here's her wonderful post for today.
10 Things That Would Happen If I Had Kids
by Haley Wolfe
1. My ability to ignore crying babies would prove useful.
2. Our families would lavish gifts upon them.
3. We would never be able to retire ever.
4. At least one of them would be the harbinger of the apocalypse.
5. They'd learn a lot from me.
6. I'd always be honest with them.
7. I might get confused and think they were characters in a book I was writing.
8. With my luck, they'd excel in math and science and hate English.
9. Ari would grow to resent my superior parenting skills.
10. After a few years, some nice people would come take them off our hands.
Thank you for checking out all of her stuff. If you need some Mary to get through the day, check out my guest post at Word Nerd Speaks.
I think Haley just did one of her best posts EVER....and now it lives forever on your blog. You're a lucky, lucky girl! Hilarious. Personal favorite: "I eat money." I'm having that put on a t-shirt for my kids.
ReplyDeleteGreat idea, Marianne! I'll take two in small, please. :)
DeleteHaley=Awesome.
ReplyDeleteYay! Great post Haley, so so funny-I loved that "were they here?" part
ReplyDeleteI agree with Marianne, this might be one of your best so far!
And by the way, you work in a toy store??? What pray tell (drool drool) kinds of toys do you sell?
My favorite is by far the demon-crazed "Where are my fucking presents?" Ohhhhh how many times I've wanted to say that!
ReplyDeleteHeh.. I think that I actually *have* said that. I admire your restraint.
Delete#9 is awesome. Yay Haley!
ReplyDeleteMarianne, when you get those t-shirts made, let me know. Loved this!!!!
ReplyDeleteReading all these comments is making this the best Leap Day ever! Maybe because I normally don't do anything at all for Leap Day, but still. You guys are awesome.
ReplyDeleteJewels and Marianne, I will totally be putting the "I Eat Money" thing on a t-shirt in my Zazzle store within 48 hours. There's a link to it on my blog. (Please excuse my shameless plugging.)
I'll be looking for it!! Tell me they will come in kid sizes!
DeleteYes! They'll be pictured on an adult shirt, but if you go into the listing you can "customize it" and put it on a children's shirt.
DeleteJust ordered my shirt! I'll send you a pic when it arrives. (:
DeleteVery funny - I will have to check out your blog again!
ReplyDeleteHow did the ' get on the above name. It looks like I said I was Mary's (swear word) Mom???
DeleteI don't know, I was wondering why you felt the need to expletive such an otherwise banal title.
Deletethe internets don't like ampersands. boo. it converts them into some other language, a language of computer geeks and code people. I prefer my language of first class airline tickets and expensive shoes.
DeleteOh #6...I love you!
ReplyDeleteI had to stop and congratulate you on your blog, you have sooo many friends, there is smth in the air here :). Kisses.
ReplyDeleteYea the "I eat money" is definitely baller.
ReplyDeleteNice post, Haley. And nice blog, Mary.
YES! Haley this was amazing. Go you!
ReplyDeleteHilarious! I especially loved the "I eat money" box- love it! You have a new follower, Haley:) So do you, Mary!
ReplyDeleteCould not stop laughing! and it was the kind of hyper-ventilating choking laughing where you think you might die-- good times! Seriously, this is one of the funniest things I've read in a long time. Sort of shows how clueless I was too before I had kids (scary, I know).
ReplyDeletexxo
MOV
I finally made my way over here and I'm so glad I did. Kelly's right. Haley really does equal awesome.
ReplyDeleteHahahha that's great. I definitely wouldn't be able to handle kids either. I blog about not being able to handle a cat...
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