(NTRK is an acronym for November to Remember Kinda)
I have trouble sleeping.
The problem isn't physical, it's only mental. I have always joked with my friends that it's ADD but when I try to sleep it's almost the opposite. I can't stop focusing on a thought.
Sometimes this thought is a worry.
"What am I going to do if I see a wasp tomorrow?"
"I'm so sad that husband with one T didn't compliment me today"
"Why are there so many mean and poor people?"
etc.
But most of the time it is something completely random and senseless, making it all the more frustrating. I can't even explain it. I once couldn't sleep because I couldn't stop thinking about how the top of the easy cheese gets hard and what the hell are you supposed to do with that little tip of hard nasty hell cheese? I obsess over this thought.
Last night my thought that kept me up until nearly 2AM was The David Bowie lyric: "Time may change me, but I can't trace time."
It bothers me that he didn't make the statement prettier by saying "Time may change me, but I can't change time."
I mean, why the hell not!? It makes sense, it's true, and it sounds 140% better. It flows right off the tongue.
I've listened to this song since I was a zygote and I don't know why my brain decided to pick last night to let it take over my life. I almost fell asleep and then I imagined David Bowie sitting on the basket of my banana seat bike, explaining the lyric to me. I imagined the written lyrics in every known language. I scribbled out multiple papers in my head with that damn lyric. I sang what I felt like should be the correct lyrics to some angels and some giraffes.
After 45 minutes, I said "ENOUGH MARY"
My first tactic to remove the thought is to take a walk. I take 3 laps around the couch and 2 around the island. Then I drink some water. Last night I threw in a jolly rancher.
I got back to bed and fell right back to sleep. My first dream was about my 9th grade zoology teacher. I don't remember how this related back to the song lyric but somehow it did. I turned to face the strain! Leave me alone, Bowie!
Time may change me, but I can't change time! (You probably even thought that's how that song went, am I right or am I right?)
After washing my face and singing a few other songs in my bathroom with the fan on, I finally got the mediocre lyric out of my head.
When the song comes on my iPod, I always sing my lyric You know, because it MAKES MORE SENSE. But this morning, on my way to work after my 3rd cup of coffee, that crazy pale bastard finally won.
I embrace change. Ch Ch Ch Ch Changes.
My brain tries to do that a lot, so I force my brain to go scene by scene through Harry Potter movies, blocking out all other thoughts, and I usually fall asleep before Hagrid gets to the hut on the sea.
ReplyDeleteWhat a great concept. The forced obsessive thought. Then you can obsess over something you like until you fall asleep. I am going to try this, but instead of Harry Potter I'm going to think of Gael Garcia Bernal taking me on a vacation. "vacation" wink wink.
DeleteThanks JR.
I laughed out loud at the hard piece of easy cheese - I know what you mean - you can't eat it so I usually pull it out and toss it to Foster. He is very happy when he sees that can of cheese! The other night I was thinking in great detail about what I would have a landscaper do if I hired one in the spring - every piece of grass that would be removed, every bit of weeds killed, digging up and removing bushes, etc. I probably thought about it for 2 hours without sleeping and then it was "how can I afford all that work to be done, etc." SHUT UP MIND!!!
ReplyDeleteWhen you get a song stuck in your head, all you need to do is start humming/singing a Neil Diamond song. It's like a sorbet for the brain. The Neil Diamond song will take over for a while, but soon, it's effervescence will bubble away and you're brain will be a fresh clean pallet for ruminating on why you drive on a parkway and park on a driveway.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, the Neil Diamond thing works.
I play "Collapse" in my head. Kind of like Tetris, but even more mindless. And if that doesn't work, I try reading Dune, and I'm out after half a page.
ReplyDelete