The thrifty fifty!

In honor of having 50 blog followers (yay!) I have decided to bless each and every one of you with one dumb thing I have said in my 23 (shut up) years of living.




"Give me scissors, I'll cut one of my curls off"




"Give me scissors, I'll take a chunk of hair off the back of my head. YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME?!?"

"Lisa, move your car back..I'll just kiss the Taco Bell drive-thru worker and I'll bet he'll give us free tacos"







"They've been together since they were 17? Are they ugly?"








"I hate engagement pictures. I'd rather just send everyone a picture of us having sex, it would make everyone as equally uncomfortable"







"You remember hearing our kid's pre-natal heartbeat? Aw that's sweet. Was I there?"








"Officer, can you please take us to McDonalds?"








"Hi, I'm Mary. Like the virgin."








"Hello, Wells Fargo? Hi. I'm not going to pay you for a few months."









"I love you too, let's get married." ****








"My Dad is a famous corn farmer, so I'm way out of your league"








"I don't give my number to people with sharpies instead of cell phones"








"Hey, come here, homeless guy, take a picture with me!"









"You should totally date him, there's no way she'll care!"







"What do you call a Mexican with a rubber toe? No offense, guy. Oh, you're Japanese?"








"Kelsey, don't come in tomorrow. I have the authority to get people off"








"Hey, you, large male over there. I've been working out. Punch me in the stomach as hard as you want."








"I can't go out with you anymore because you have an old man back."






"Hi, yes, I'm here to buy the 2000 Landrover with 98,000 miles..?"








"When you get married, does your credit card debt just go away?"








"We don't have to wait until they go to bed, they won't come in here! They're watching Spongebob! I'm sure they won't come in!"








"No, I don't like me with brown hair. Just dye it black."








"Let's go to Hawaii without birth control!"








"You don't want to hang out with me? Then eff off and die!"









"Are you laughing at my singing, ugly lady? I will kill you in your face!"








"Hey husband, what would you say I am, on a scale of 1-10 on looks alone?"








"Pass me that tanning oil, I'm going to put it on my face every summer from now until I start to look like a catchers mitt"








"You're silly, husband. Officer, our house got broken into because we left the garage door open, not because they kicked in the door. Silly husband!"








"Hey, thief, I'm going to leave my Gucci bag right here in my brand new Mercedes with the door unlocked okay?"








"Asia had a baby? What kind of political statement is that? Oh. Asia's an elephant"








"We just went to Optimus Prime for our anniversary. What? That's a transformer?"












and last but not least....


"Yes, is this the employee hotline? No, I'm not thinking about suicide. I'm drunk and sad. What's up witchu?"












****referring to the 2002 speaking of these words