What happens in West Virginia, stays in West Virginia.

I just want to start today by professing my hatred for the phrase "what happens in blankety blank, stays in blankety blank" This was a phrase that started just for Vegas, by prostitutes and club promoters. But now everyone uses it, and it makes me want to chew on exposed electrical wires. I saw on someone's Facebook page the other day, "What happens in West Virginia STAYS in West Virginia". Sorry boutcha, lame-ass, but I don't think your friends will care that you visited your Aunt Helen over Christmas break and you all sat at the bar at Applebees until 10 minutes before they closed. You can probably bring it home with you and everybody you know would be like, "You did...what? in where? West Virginia?....................who gives a shit? Pass me a snickers bar."

I saw these shoes on my favorite website, http://www.modcloth.com/- which specializes in clothes that look funky and different and cute, but were made with paper towels and will fall apart the first time you try to change your mom/banker/frumptastic image and wear something emo.

Here is what I imagined the creators of this masterpiece discussing the day before they were distributed.

Cute emo girl with half curly hair and blue glasses: These are done, Gerald. What do you think?

Gerald: I think they're beautiful. I love the color, the half-red heel, and and the adorable tie in the front. But I feel like it's missing something. That open area for the top of the foot is missing something.

Emo: I don't know what you mean. I don't want to add too much, you know?

Gerald: Listen Pandora, I am the executive of the shoe department and you'll damn well listen to what I have to say. Now. I am thinking a giant flap of pinkish red fabric that looks like a giant saggy vagina would be a perfect addition to the front and top of this shoe.

Emo: Maybe it would represent the heartache and misrepresentation of the modern fem-

Gerald: I don't give a donkey's ass about your women's sufferage poetry. I just want the shoe to look it was dipped in vagina-land. No, not that fabric. It needs to be more dark pink. No, that's not enough fabric, I want it to be giant and saggy looking. Okay, good job Pandora. You get to stay another day.