Awesome.

I am starting a new denomination called Awesomeism.

If you are about to stab an old lady in the spine so you can steal her milkshake and there's a part of you that says:

"Stop, young child O the night. Though shalt not stab Granny. That ain't nice"

That voice you hear?

Listen to it.

Then, you're a practicing Awesomeist.

Every week all the Awesomeists will gather at Jimmy's Egg, soccer practice, Home Depot, or on the couch in front of Madden. If they don't show up because they had too much to drink the night before or are sleeping off the ambien they took too late, ain't no thang! If they wake up and start rushing around because they're late and can't find their shawl, then that is not Awesome. Not Awesome at all.

Whenever you're Awesome and you go to bed at night, this is the time for you to reflect. Figure out if you've been a good Awesome, or if you've been a royal suckfest dumbass face. Did you have sex with your neighbor's wife? That's not Awesome. Did you give a bum a dollar, a high-five, or a smile? You are first in line to ride my Awesome train.

What about materials? You are probably asking what you can purchase from me to study so you can be a devout follower. Instead of a WWJD bracelet...you should buy a JDGAF bracelet, t-shirt, flask, or porn case. I will provide you with a link as soon as you give me enough money to make another website. Get on it suckas!

I will leave you with a final bible verse from another religion's bible.



2 Kings 2:23-24 NKJV



Then he went up from there to Bethel; and as he was going up the road, some youths came from the city and mocked him, and said to him, “Go up, you baldhead! Go up, you baldhead!” So he turned around and looked at them, and pronounced a curse on them in the name of the LORD. And two female bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths.
 
 
 
Just to clarify- if my kid calls you baldy and you send 2 female bears to maul his face, that is NOT Awesome and you will no longer be welcome at Home Depot.