My son went to middle school and didn't have a shit experience

"....so I asked her, 'Hey, when I had to bring that note into Mrs. Arthur's class today, you guys stopped talking and gave me a funny look. I'm sure it's probably nothing, but were you guys talking about me?' 

...and you know what she said, Adrian? 

'Oh, yeah we were. We were just talking about how ugly you are.' 

She said it like it was such common knowledge that I didn't even feel comfortable protesting or questioning her explanation. I just said, 'ohhhh okay'  like she had just told me she liked giraffes and then I went home and thought about what life would be like if I could die. 

THAT'S WHAT MIDDLE SCHOOL IS LIKE, BUDDY. IT'S GOING TO BE THE HARDEST 3 YEARS OF YOUR LIFE AND I JUST NEED YOU TO TALK TO ME WHEN IT GETS TOUGH AND WE'LL GET YOU THROUGH IT, OKAY?" 

We were walking to his school for his 6th grade orientation, 2 weeks before school started. I had saved this conversation for this very day. I had planned to walk the mile to his school so we could have this conversation while sweating our heartfelt feelings out into the August heat. I told him all about the terrible things I went through in middle school including:

• Writing a love letter to a boy whose friend then stood on a table and read it to the lunchroom
• Realizing all of a sudden that school wasn't just doing the hokey pokey and playing with the classroom tarantula at circle time, I actually had to study and work and if I didn't, I would get Fs and nobody would like me. 
• All of a sudden, I wasn't cool. I was a nerd. People told me and I had to accept it. There's nothing worse than being a nerd that doesn't get good grades. What did I have to fall back on? At least legit nerds were smart. I just liked Disney movies and snowcones and Sweet Valley High.
• I wasn't as good at sports as I thought I was. I had to be on the B team, which was almost worse than not playing a sport. 
• My hormones were a ball of wasps fucking snakes. I couldn't even get to the point where I could make sense of anything I was crying about. One minute it would be because I missed my Mom when she was in the next room over and the next I'd be crying because of how much I hated the movie "Forrest Gump." 

He nodded in understanding and laughed when I made jokes. He promised to talk to me if he was being bullied, to tell me if he was sad, and to give me a proper heads up if he was struggling with the work. That's all you can really ask of a 12 year old boy, right? 

Well, come September,  I wasn't getting a lot of feedback. 

It was a diverse school in a big city. The school was about 3 times bigger than any school he would've gone to in Edmond.  They weren't allowed to carry backpacks. The principal bragged to me that they'd gone a full year without finding guns in anyone's lockers. Adrian and I were thinking."...goood....job...?"

"School is fine", he'd say. "Nothing like you talked about." 

I knew that couldn't be right. Sure, he had made a few friends, he had a group of kids he walked with every day,  he told me about enjoying the group he played basketball and soccer with.  But there must be someone telling him he's ugly....some girl making fun of him in front of her friends...some teacher that had it out for him. Right? 

_______________________

He told me who the cool guys in 6th grade were. He pointed them out to me when we were trick or treating with his little sisters. Cool guys were trick or treating with 8th grade girls.  I offered to walk ahead of him so they wouldn't know he was with his mom and he wouldn't get made fun of. He said "They won't make fun of me", very nonchalantly. 

Later that night when Mat had taken over with the door-to-door duties and I was passing out glow sticks to the trick or treaters, I saw the cool kids coming and braced myself for their shitheadedness. 

"Hi! Wow! Glow sticks! How cool!" Cool guy said "Should I grab one, or do you want to choose which one I take?" 

"You can grab 4, and would you like some connectors? They're right here", I said, confused at his sweet demeanor. 

"Really, wow thank you!"  He took four and I accidentally dropped my bowl.  He leaned down to help me pick them up! Him and the other guy told me my shark attack costume was "awesome and savage" and the girls with them smiled and sweetly said thank you as well. 

"Hey doesn't Adrian live here? Tell him we said hey!" 

and then they left. What is life? 

________________________________________

One day, as Adrian was walking next door I noticed an older kid in a black hoodie on a bike ride up beside him and shout something out at him. Adrian waved him away and the kid kept talking to him. Adrian was shaking his head and then walked into his friend's house. 

I spent the next hour creating elaborate scenarios of what that little shithead could've said to my sweet baby angel. Why did he have to seek him out? Why couldn't he just have left him alone?!

When Adrian got inside, I pounced. 

"Who was that big kid that stopped you?" 

"That's Greg. He's in 8th grade." 

"Was he being mean? What did he want?" 

"What? No, he's friends with a girl I walk with and we talk sometimes." 

"It looked like you were arguing." 

"MOM. He's really nice. He just said hi and then told me I was right about these headphones I told him to order on Amazon. We were joking about which is better, playstation or xbox. Stop. No one is mean to me." 

Okay, so maybe Greg wasn't a shithead? 

___________________________________

Adrian wanted to be dropped off at the YMCA so he could play some basketball, rather than coming with me to an eyebrow appointment. I was hesitant because he would be by himself but he said he would just shoot some baskets and he'd keep his phone on him. 

When I picked him up an hour later, he was giddy with happiness. 

"Oh my gosh, Mom. You aren't going to believe what happened!" He squealed

"I was shooting baskets and Jamal Woodruff was playing with his friends at the other end of the court. I knew it was him because I have seen videos of him playing at school. MOM HE IS THE STAR OF OUR MIDDLE SCHOOL BASKETBALL TEAM AND HE'S HUUUUUUUUUUGE."

"Okay", I said, skeptical as all hell where this was going. 

Some 8th grade Lebron James that is the star of the basketball team was there with all his friends and you were in there shooting by yourself, with your palate expander and your little Edmond ankle socks? 

"Go on." 

"So I walked up and asked him if he wanted to play 1X1." 

My stomach and heart and brain all fell out of my belly button and I immediately wanted to call my therapist. 

"and he said YES. I asked him if he was Jamal Woodruff, he said yes again. I told him I knew he was the best basketball player. I told him I'd been working on my 3 pointers." 

WHY IS ADRIAN HAPPY. WHY IS ADRIAN HAPPY RIGHT NOW. 

"So we played twice, and the first time I almost beat him! Then he laughed and told me I was pretty good. But it turns out he was just going easy on me and then we played again and he crushed me. I didn't get a single point." 

"Oh honey", I started "I'm so sorry that happ-"

"Mom, no it was awwwwwwesome! Of course he killed me! But HE TOLD ME I WAS PRETTY GOOD. And he said I could play with him and his friends anytime AND he high-fived me." 

"I can't." I whispered, out of breath. "You just walked up to a group of 8th grade star basketball players and kindly asked for friendship and they just GAVE IT TO YOU? WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THIS WORLD?"

I can't figure out if the moral of the story is to not go to middle school in Edmond, Oklahoma or don't be a girl when you go to middle school. Way to go, Charlotte, North Carolina for raising some seriously non-shitty kids.

Also, Adrian? You're a total badass.