Welcome, Kegis.

Kegis is a word my friend Kelsey’s family came out with. It’s the most wonderful expletive there is, because no one knows it means “look at that ass clown’s hair/shirt/weave/brown teeth/cellulite/braids/job etc”. Because my friends and I were flawless, we felt this word was perfect to yell out loud at people who had something on them we wanted to make fun of, but didn’t want to be mean and whisper behind their back. Example: Kelsey yells “KEGIS!!!!” When we’re at Applebee’s, so we all turn and look at the white girl with the ass-length braids and tight white shorts stained with misfortune, who is racing to the bathroom to roll up her shorts a little more. The Clinesmith family gets total credit for this wonderful word, which has now had the 7 degrees of separation affect, and is known by too many people, some of which we would love to use it on. I, however, take the trophy for using kegis to the face. I like to throw it in conversations with fat naked women in the locker-room at the gym to make Kendal snort. “Hey, did you ladies just kegis the water aerobics?” Sometimes, when intoxicated, and an unattractive lad wanders to our table (which sadly enough never happens anymore because of situations like these) I will ask him if he will buy me a cold kegis. This has been going on for 7 years and never gets old. My friend Taylor started Amanda Kegis. She’s who we refer to when we see a kegis, we can pretend to know her, “Hey, Amanda Kegis, right!?” or we could ask loudly while the waitress tells us about her bowlegged boyfriend and their 3 miniature pinschers, “Yeah, that’s awesome. Hey doesn’t Amanda Kegis work here?” Amanda Kegis now has her own facebook wall and MySpace page, and we use these pages solely to make fun of each other, post embarrassing pictures or videos, or to delete any of those just mentioned that we need other humans not to see. We love to take pictures of kegises. How we do this without getting caught, is we pose in front of the kegis so the kegis whisperer can pretend to take a picture of us, but really shoot the bearded bald man in the Canadian tuxedo talking to one of our hot friends. Kegis is a noun “Lo was a real kegis tonight; she thought the trashcan was her chair”. Kegis is a verb “Kegis you for just kissing the Taco Bell drive thru worker, Mary.” Kegis is an adjective “Kendal’s shirt was seriously kegis; it had musical notes on it”. Kegis is an interjection “Wait, Kelsey, you just puked and rallied? KEGIS” Kegis is an adverb “Then, Carissa kegisly bent over in her dress and we all saw her Disneyworld” If I am going to be a blogger, all my readers will need to know this word and its many uses. It seems like in my previous sentence, that its should be spelled like it’s. If you don’t know why it’s not, then I hope you have some other redeeming qualities, because you’re ugly and stupid.