Kuuummbbbaaayyyyyaaa, My Lord.

One night I came to Mat's house (before we lived together) to stay the night after a night out with friends. I was feeling particularly lovey; sometimes alcohol can do that to you. I lived right down the street from him, so I would frequently just walk down to his house after I got dropped off, and bang my face against his front door until he answered.

That night, I could tell he wasn't really that happy to see me. Probably because it was 2:17 AM and he had to work at 8 am the next morning. But really I wasn't thinking about him, I was on a mission for some lovin and I was going to get it.

He opened the door, barely mumbled a hi, patted me on the back of the arm and walked back to his room. I took off my shoes, made some sexual innuendos, laughed, and grabbed a bottled water. Some time between the shoes and the innuendos he was already back in bed with the fan on, snoring.

Ah hell no.

I went in and shook him.

Me: Hey I love youuuuuuuuuuuu. Get up, silly. Hey hey hey.

Mat: (muffled by pillow and sleep) luh yu too. (minimal effort exerted)

Me: (I shove his shoulder to where he is laying on his back and curl up on his shoulder) You know, my life has really just gotten existentially better since you've been a part of it. HEY WAKE UP. Anyways, I can remember a year ago you know how unhappy and lost I was and. God. I just love you so much. (tears)

Mat: (minimal effort arm rub) (snoring)

Me: BABY! wake up. Gah so anyways I was out at Cock o the walk and I was moonwalking and trying to be the center of attention and then I realized you know where I wanted to be? RIGHT HERE WITH YOU. Do you want something to eat? I could go make us something. (tears) GAH I JUST LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

Mat: ..........

Me: We really have a future, you know? We're going to be so happy, especially if you wake up and talk to me. I feel like you just want me to shut up so you can go to sleep.

Mat: Okay, Baby.

Me: You make me laugh so much and I love the way you dig in the backyard and made that new fence so level, it's just so sexy to me. (giggle giggle) I might have to throw up soon. Is that okay? (tears) I love you so much.

Mat suddenly sprang awake and sat forward. He looked over at me, while I stared back waiting to be either complimented or ravished. He leaned over and grabbed both sides of my face while caressing my cheeks with his thumbs.

"I love you so much. So much. I feel the exact same way you do, with everything you just said. But seriously, Mary, I have to work in the morning, and I don't think this conversation is going to go anywhere close to how you want it to go. This is not going to end with us sitting cross legged on the floor,  holding hands and singing Kumbaya, okay? Go to sleep."



I suddenly realized that that was exactly what I wanted, and how did he know that? And then I went to bed mad, but laughed until I cried the next morning when I thought about his choice of words at his breaking point.

Now, 7 years and 2 kids later,  I know when I am acting like a cling on-sheet, because he'll simply say "we're not holding hands and singing kumbaya".

I always get the message.

I was so blonde during the cling-on years!